The Cast (all two of them)

I was talking to a good friend of mine about this film, specifically about the writing of the script. I told him that while I was writing this script I found that I was giving the two characters two very different parts of my personality. Essentially, I was forming the characters from these little fragments of my life. It was an interesting discovery. It took on another level when I had to cast people in these roles.

I actually started the casting process as I worked through the script. I had two people in mind for the characters and couldn't help but picture them in the scenes as I wrote them. Fortunately, when I asked them they both gave me an enthusiastic yes.

Given that this is a short film I needed the audience to feel an immediate connection to the characters. In order to accomplish this the actors in these two roles needed to be genuine, charismatic, and very talented. Fortunately, Michelle Burger and Kirk Mason have those traits in spades.


Michelle is playing Alison, who is the main character of the film. Michelle is a very talented and passionate performer. I made reference to her in an earlier post and how dedicated she is to her craft. Michelle has the task of carrying the first few moments of the film on her own. There has never been any doubt in my mind that she will be able to meet that challenge. The thing is I know how hard Michelle works at her craft, and yet whenever I see her perform she makes it seem effortless.



Kirk is playing the character James. Kirk and I used to live together and it took us about five years to finally work on something together. Which is a bit of a drag that it took so long because Kirk is one of the most talented guys I know. The thing that I dig most about working with him is that from the start he asks questions. As soon as he read the script he called me up with questions about his character. At every rehearsal he has new insight into his character. Whatever answers I give him he immediately uses the next time we run the scene.

I'm going to be honest I was pretty jazzed when these two agreed to the film. That excitement took on another level the first time we met for rehearsal. On the first read through these two completely rocked it. They laid down a great foundation that we have been able to build on at every following rehearsal.

I'm even more excited for when an audience gets to see these two in the film.

The Script

Let's get one thing clear right now, shall we? There is no Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky: two previously unrelated ideas come together and make something new under the sun. Your job isn't to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.-Stephen King

There are a great number of stories that I have laid by the wayside in my day. I probably have about four different scripts that stop after about ten pages sitting in my external hardrive. I think that the most frustrating part about writing stories is that like it or not, they have to be organic. As a writer I have to feel something when I am writing and if I don't I stop after about ten pages. I think that Mr. King is suggesting that good story ideas are elusive and you don't really understand why out of all your ideas you put one specific one down on paper.

The idea for this still untitled short film came to me in a daydream. More specifically, it started with a single line of dialogue. I would tell you what it is but the scene is sort of the climax of the film and I'm not going to spoil my own film. The point is this one line of dialogue became the genesis of the entire story. I quickly started to create the characters and why this sentence would be said by one of them. From there I started to put them into a larger story and before I knew it, I had a finished screenplay.

I have no idea why it happened, but I was left with a compulsion to tell this story. I knew that this is the one that I wanted to actually produce and set out in the world.

So, here we go.

Spaceman

In a recent post I mentioned that telling people that you want to pursue creative endeavors as a career is similar to telling people that you want to be a spaceman. They don't doubt that you are earnest, but they encourage you to get a teaching degree.

Well, about three weeks ago I reckoned that if I wanted to be a spaceman then I better start building a spaceship in my backyard. Yes, I will be running with that metaphor.

I have decided to make a short film. It is something that I wrote and will direct direct. It's a small step toward pursing my desire to be a storyteller, but it needs to start somewhere.

Currently, I am trying to "pass the hat," asking people if they want to throw in five bucks to cover some production cost. I'm not trying to raise much, just $350 for this production. It's sort of an NPR deal. This film will be available for free on the web, but if somebody wants to help make it a reality, then they are welcome to donate.

While I'm working on this film and raising funds I figured I would update people on the production via this blog. So, this is chapter one. Each week I will be writing about a different aspect of this productions from the story to the rehearsals to the cast.

If you are interested in donating a few bucks please follow the link below.

Full-Time Dreamer Productions Paypal Donations

Living Through History

When I was a kid my Grandma Collins was my go to source for all thing history. I have always had a deep interest in history and my Grandma loved talking about the moments that she had witnesses. Chief among them were both the devastating attack on Pearl Harbor and the tragic assassination of President Kennedy. I remember her telling me time and time again about the moment that she heard about President Kennedy being gunned down in Dallas. While some of my Grandmother's memories were influenced by her imagination the details of November 22, 1963 were always the same. My mom was a year old and she was playing in the living room when the news came on the television.

I suppose that I was fascinated that my Grandmother had actually experienced these moments herself and not just in history books. She had actually experienced the moment that the country changed.

On September 11, 2001 I finally learned what it was like to experience a defining moment in history. I was 19 and I was attending class at Muskegon Community College and after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon classes were canceled for the day. I got into my car and turned on the radio. Every single channel was without music. Instead, it was all news and it was then that I understood the enormity of the moment.

Since then I wondered what I would tell my grandchildren about that day and the years that followed. The day is easier. I could tell them in great detail about how I spent that day talking on the phone with my friend Tom or how I called my dad at work. I could tell them about how I watched the towers falls while standing in my mom's office and it was the first time that I ever heard somebody say the word "fuck" on network television. I could tell them that it was the first time that I ever looked up into the sky above my small town and didn't see one airplane flying through it. I could tell them about how I spent hours watching TV that day just trying to take it all in. Or how my sister, Megan rushed over to a blood drive to donate blood.

The following years aren't going to be as easy. I don't want to get into politics on this blog because as I mentioned before the 140 characters afforded me on Twitter are more than enough for my opinion. Still, for the last nine years of my adult this moment has dominated the cultural landscape from politics around me to the art that I enjoy.

I suppose that I will be honest with my grandchildren. I will tell them that in the years that followed 9/11 I became very ashamed of my country. I will tell them about the details of the wars that left a stain on the conscience of the country.

Why will I tell them all of this? Because it is important. Far too often we like to sort of whitewash history. When we hear stories about World War II they are always stories about valor and sacrifice. Those stories deserve to be told because ordinary men and women did extraordinary things in order to defeat great opposition. However, how often do we hear about the Japanese Internment camps that our very own citizens were forced into because of the fear that they might be spies?

I'm considered to be pretty liberal among my friends. I feel like the perception is that liberals aren't very Patriotic. I strongly disagree. I consider myself to be very patriotic and idealistic. I hold that the Constitution is one of the most important man made documents and that it should be defended by those who would threaten it.

So, I will tell my grandchildren that after those towers fell, after the Pentagon was sent on fire, and after ordinary Americans aboard United 93 gave their lives to protect others, that I would honor those who lost their live by upholding the principles that define this country. That some of the decisions that were made by my leaders after 9/11 challenged those ideals but certain people would not give up on them.

Anyway, going back to that day, I suppose what I will most want to impress upon them is that while some caused great evil it was met with great good. I will tell them about how as the Trade Towers burned and destruction was everywhere brave men and women of the NYFD and NYPD rushed into danger to save the lives of others. I will tell them that they sacrificed their lives so that others may live. I will tell them that while a small amount of hateful men chose to cause death on that day many more chose to preserve life by giving their own.

I will tell them that I never forgot those who gave their lives for others.

September

I used to sort of dread Labor Day because it meant the end of the summer. When I worked at a movie theater Labor Day was the weekend that the really bad movies were released. All the summer blockbuster had come and gone so the studios dropped the films starring C-list actors in that last weekend. Nobody would see these movies and the empty theaters were sort of fitting. Just two months before the theaters were packed with people seeing the new exciting popcorn films. To me, this symbolized the end of summer. The big over the top movies were a big part of my summer and when they were done I knew that the season was over.

After Labor Day I would have to go back to school and my days of lounging around and feeling free would be done. In the summer I could stay up until late in the night and then sleep in to well into the afternoon. Once the school year started I would still stay up late but couldn't sleep in past 8 in the morning.

Now, it has been 10 years since I experienced my last "first day of school." But, I suppose it took me awhile to shake that I was losing something when September hit. This prevented me from realizing that September is a rather exciting month.

A conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago got me thinking about things in a different light. Since high school September has become a month of new beginnings. When I started college every September brought a whole new experience as I started brand new classes. Even the year that I took off from college, when I started my life in Chicago, there was this feeling of a new chapter beginning in this month.

For whatever reason September seems to be the time of the year that new things begin. Last year, I started working at my new job in September, the day after Labor Day to be exact. I'm not really sure if anything new is about to begin this September, it really is one of those things that takes shape in hindsight. But, if history proves to be reliable then chances are that something new will beginning fairly soon.

Perhaps, it will be nothing more than a perspective change and that wouldn't be such a bad thing at all.

Not Stagnant

Today I received a phone call from a good friend of mine from high school. She told me that she is with child. That is incredible news and I'm very happy for her.

In May I became an uncle when my sister Megan gave birth to a little boy. Again, I'm very happy for them and I like being an uncle.

In August I attended the wedding of two step siblings two weeks apart from one another. I usually don't use the word "step" to describe family members but I didn't want it to seem like either A) my siblings married one another or B) my family is really disorganized and accidentally two weddings so close to one another. I realize this is paranoid but I rather be safe than sorry, especially for the first reason.

Anyway, back to the point.

All this has made me step back and reflect on my own life and ask what I'm doing with it all.

Before I go on I want to refer to my disclaimer from my last post. I'm not lamenting nor am I complaining. I am simply reflecting.

I'm not comparing myself to my sibling and my friends because I'm clearly living a different story than them. I'm not feeling jealousy because I'm very happy for them. Watching people around me go through major changes in there life is a little strange because I feel like my life is more or less the same than it was three years ago.

Of course, that isn't completely true. My life is pretty different than it was three years ago. I know that I have changed and have not stayed stagnant. Especially when I consider the actual definition of the word stagnant.

Stagnant:

1. not flowing or running, as water, air, etc.

2. stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water.

3. characterized by lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement: a stagnant economy.

4. inactive, sluggish, or dull.

Still, when all the massive changes are happening to people around me it tends to hold a mirror up to my life. It's not so much a question of "what am I doing?" as much as it is about "where am I going?"

Am I being intentional about the life that I'm living? Am I taking chances? Am I willing to take calculated risk? Am I ready to really pursue a career? Am I willing to take approach a lady and tell her how I feel about her regardless of how she feels about me?

These are the questions that I am asking myself right now and without sounding to serious the answer to them all are yes.

I have finally learned that without taking risks, experiencing failure, and following desires I will become stagnant. It's all very Joseph Campbell but it rings true to my ears.

Twists and Turns

I feel like this blog entry needs to come with a disclaimer. I really find it cathartic to write down what I'm thinking or feeling. Being somebody who has a...well, let's just call it a need to perform (or I'm an emotional exhibitionist) putting it out there for people to read is just an added bonus.

Alright, I was mentioning something about a disclaimer. I'm not writing this entry or any other to neither lament or solicit sympathy. I'm simply narrating my life for the sake of the before mentioned reasons.

It's been a weird summer. It has not been a bad summer. It has not been a good summer. The twists and turns of this summer were not expected, which you know is why they were twists and turns. On Memorial Day when I stood at the open of this summer I thought nearly every aspect of it would play out a little differently.

The short story is that it didn't and while I would have preferred my expectations to have been met, what am I going to do? When things didn't work out for me in the past I played the part of victim. It was not helpful. I would adopt a "why me" attitude and sit around feeling sorry for myself.

I'm not sure when things changed. I wish that I could pinpoint what exactly God used to shake me from this immature way of doing things. I know that it wasn't Conan's farewell address, but it is the reason why I was so taken back by it. When he told his audience that, "nobody in life gets exactly what they want but if you work hard and are kind amazing things will happen," I got a little teary eyed. He's right, crying about it is not going to do anything about it.

I cannot miss an opportunity for a Simpsons reference right now. In one episode Bart loses his dog and starts to cry. Homer's response to his son is awesome,

"Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can go out there and find your dog."

While I can't pinpoint when my way of thinking changed it has certainly changed. Don't get me wrong I do not like disappointment and if I had it my way I would avoid it all together. Sometimes I can do that and other times I can't help but meet it head on.

So, no I haven't been the biggest fan of the summer. There were some huge disappointments and I made one fairly large mistake. The fact of the matter is that crying about it is not going to do anything about it. Picking myself up and dusting myself off is me doing something about it.

Life is full of disappointments and negative turns. But, here is the thing. In most stories the main character hits a negative turn at the end of Act II. This happens to build drama before Act III, when the character achieves his resolution. This is when character is revealed and lessons are learned. If I'm living a story, and I tend to view life through such a lenses, then I'm learning some lessons and how I handle disappoint will reveal my character.

I do not want my character to be whiny like one of those Twilight people.

For that reason I can leave this summer feeling pretty alright about things.

The Twenties

I have gone on record stating that I am not a fan of the twenties. Actually, I don’t think I have ever gone on record. There isn’t a document with my signature sitting in a bank vault that definitively states that I am not a fan of the twenties. Let this here blog entry state for the record that I am not a fan of the twenties. I have friends who are just loving the twenties. They are excited by all the twists, turns, transitions, and freedoms that come with these restless years between childhood and adulthood. Adulthood…get ready for a tangent.

Tangent Begins
I don’t know when this adulthood is supposed to start. I mean, I already might be in it and nobody let me know. I know that I have responsibilities like my job, my bills, and I have to pay my insurance. I can’t jump off porches anymore because my bones are too old. But, do I feel like an adult? Very rarely. Well, I don’t feel like my perception of an “adult.” But, you know what? Neither do the people around me. I don’t see any adults around me. Certainly that fight I had with my ex-girlfriend was not one between two “adults.” Of course, I would say she wasn’t the adult and she would say that it was me who was acting like the child. Regardless, I think that proves my point.
Tangent Ends

Alright, I should get back to that topic at hand. Though, I think my tangent might play into it. Yes, the twenties provide you with an incredible amount of freedom. The twenties provide you with opportunities for incredible self-growth and reflection. Also, there seems like there is a major transition about every six months, so you learn how to roll with the punches. You adapt and learn the rules as you go.

These are great lessons and I have appreciated them. Heck, you know…I have been excited about them too. I’m a completely different person than I was at 21. Shoot, I’m a completely different person than I was when I was 25 or even 26. I have gained an incredible insight in the last 8 years.

It’s been a hero’s journey and it has been pretty incredible. But here is the thing; a hero’s journey comes at a cost. Everything comes at a cost. In Star Wars, Luke Skywalker had to leave his home planet and lose his family to start his journey. In the incredible Y: The Last Man, the main character Yorick had to be the only survivor of a plague that killed every living thing with a Y chromosome. In order for these characters to go on a journey they had to give up the stability of their former lives to discover themselves. Essentially, you give up stability.

For most people childhood is spent with the same core people in your family and the friends that you see every school year from kindergarten to senior year. Of course, there are exceptions but this is pretty much how it all goes down. Then suddenly, you leave these people and there are new people coming in and out of your life all the time. You might fall in love with a person and get a bit of that stability only to have them leave when things don’t work out.

If you are lucky you have an incredible community of friends to support you and challenge you. I certainly have had such a community. But, at the end of the day when you put your head down on the pillow you are alone.

I’m not lamenting this situation. I recognize it for being a part of the life process. In many ways I appreciate it and maybe even come close to celebrating it. It can just get a little exhausting from time to time. Clearly, I’m in one of those “from time to time.”

I’m just not a fan of it.

I have a couple of friends who got married in their early twenties and we often compare notes. I often tell them that they are fortunate that they partnered up with somebody early on. They tell me that both ways have their advantages and disadvantages. I believe them, as I no longer think that one day I will reach this place where there challenges cease and obstacles are obsolete. Which is to say that I don't believe that all my struggles will cease if I join them in filing joint income taxes club. But, they have somebody in this whole life thing with them. Not, sitting on the sidelines rooting them on, but right there in the game with them.

Back when Adam was working in the garden working for a living God saw that he was alone and that it was not good. I can imagine how Adam felt. He would have good days and have nobody to celebrate with when he got home. He didn’t have anybody to come home to at the end of the day to have a conversation with.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I associate the word solitary with the twenties. I’m learning a lot about myself and certainly enjoying a great deal of freedom. But, it’s a solitary journey. I accept it and want to focus on doing it as well as I possibly can do it. I don’t want to rush through it or take it for granted. But, I’m not a fan.

Cultivate

When I was in my earlier twenties the idea of a career seemed foreign to me. I understood the concept I just didn’t understand how I was suppose to adapt it to my life. A great deal of the people that were around my age seemed to let the preparation of an upcoming career governed there every decision. Everything was about preparing for a career.

The problem was that despite exploratory notions of being a teacher I knew that what I wanted to do was be a storyteller, whether it be in film, TV, or novel form. (whether it be long, short, or graphic). Essentially, I wanted to become a full time dreamer. To be honest there were times that it could be more than a little discouraging. Still, I believe that the quest is noble in it’s own little way. Storytelling is important, see my LOST entry for the reason why.

Trying to be a professional artist is not easy. It is basically like telling somebody that you want to be a spaceman when you grow up. Nobody doubts your sincerity but they encourage you to get your teaching degree.

Then I began to get this idea in my head that instead of thinking about a “career” I should seek to cultivate and subdue. This was put into my head by a pastor that I really dig named Matt Chandler. His advice made sense to me and it sort of put into words what I was feeling for a little while.

Now, here is what I learned.

We are supposed to cultivate during our time on Earth. We are suppose to set goals based on desires and work really hard to achieve them. We are supposed to sweat and work and pray that the land provides a crop. I believe this is the lesson that God spent a great deal of time trying to teach me.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I think every time I put my hand to the plow it is destined to work out. There will often be seasons of famine in which I will get frustrated and angry. But, the point is to keep trying to cultivate.

Maybe, if somebody told me to cultivate a career all those years ago it would have made sense.

In the last six months I have a few conversations about this very topic with a friend who happens to be a lovely and dedicated dancer. She has a passion for dancing and performing and she refuses to compromise. It is what she is trying to cultivate and she continues to work no matter how much she sweats from her brow and how many thorns the ground produces. I walked away from those conversations feeling very inspired, to say the least.

After those conversation I became serious about finally getting out another screenplay. I started to write some sketches. I accepted an opportunity to shoot some footage of the family of a friend, as well as the continued work on Hank Frisco. Most of these things are just about sowing seeds at this point, but hey the journey of a thousand steps begins with one. By the way, I'm sure that I butchered that proverb.

It’s about cultivating and working hard at what you want to do. Sure, you might have to pay your bills doing jobs that you don’t want to do. Still, I rather pour myself in trying to cultivate something than get comfortable doing anything.

I have grown up in a generation that expects everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. We seem to think that hard work is a thing of the past. When we don’t get what we want right away we tend to give up. Or maybe that is just me.

I also spent a great deal of my life being afraid to make a mistake or even fail. That is the topic of another post for another time.

For now I’m focusing on trying to cultivate.

Posting

I blame the return to this blog on Donald Miller. I have been reading one of his books again and it got me thinking about how much I like writing down my thoughts. Now, a sensible person might put them down in a journal but I am not a sensible person.

No, as the title of this blog suggest I want to climb up on a soap box in the public square and rattle off my thoughts.

Still, I wanted a focus. I still believe that most of my thoughts need to be confined to 140 characters, which seems appropriate length for most of my thoughts. Speaking of which you can read those 140 character thoughts at my twitter site

Then I got to thinking about my friend Kate's blog. Kate is a mother of two and the wife of one. She writes about her experiences at her blog. Through this particular blog I got some insight on what it is like to be in her situation.

I have these thoughts and experiences and I started to think that maybe people would be entertained by them. Maybe I would write about something that somebody might relate too. Maybe something that I write on here would be foundation for a really cool conversation the next time I get to sit down with them.

Or maybe it will just entertain me.

Either way I'm committing to updating this thing about once a week and you are invited to read up on it.

I'm going to write about what it is like to

-Be a dude
-Be a Christian
-Be a dude in his twenties
-Be a dude who is unmarried
-Be a dude who wants to make movies
-Be a dude who makes mistakes often and tries to learn from them

So there is my focus.

The End of Lost

Tonight, on Sunday May 23, 2010, LOST will come to a close.

Among all the hype surrounding the end of this show one thing needs to be remembered; it is only a television show, nothing more and nothing less. It shouldn't be held in the same regard as a major event in the life of a family member or a truly historic event in human history. At the same time, let's not undervalue the importance of storytelling whether on television, film, or in book.

Mankind loves storytelling. From Homer to Shakespeare to Hemmingway, telling each other stories has remained the most effective ways to deliver universal truths. Jesus Christ himself used parables to explain the nature of God and his Kingdom to the masses.

The commitment to storytelling is what made me a die hard LOST fan. Yes, the mysteries were enticing and the plot twists were exciting, but they took a back seat to the characters and the over-arcing story. The characters on this show were just like me and everybody else I knew. They had great strengths and deep flaws. They were searching for purpose, redemption, reconciliation, forgiveness, love, and hope. It didn't matter that they were on some mystical island were people never aged and smoke monsters ran free; at the end of the day we were very similar.

In addition, the show has always been rooted in deep spirituality. One of the major themes has been "faith vs. science," which has been exemplified in the character of Jack Shepherd. The "science" was never about whether numbers and figures were absolute, but more about whether one should but their sole reliance on them. Likewise, "faith" was never about an abandon to the practical, but more about a willingness to given in to mystery and trust in "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.." (Hebrews 11:1) This debate is not new and LOST certainly didn't start it, and that's the point. We all have asked, in one fashion or another, are we people of science of faith? I believe that this has been one of the main reasons that LOST has remained such a presence in culture.


My admiration for LOST goes even a little deeper than the reasons above. The premiere was September 22, 2004, a date that many LOST fans commemorate by observing a day of remembrance for Oceanic 815. I moved to Chicago on June 1, 2004 and LOST played a very important part during my first year of Chicago. I suppose it's time to admit that I did not watch the pilot episode or the four episodes after it. At the time I was a Smallville fan and they aired against each other. This is my dark secret concerning LOST. When I did start watching it I was instantly hooked. My first year in Chicago was a bit of a hard one, full of transitions and, without being too dramatic, survival. Perhaps a story about a group of strangers coming together seemed familiar to me as I made new friends and was welcomed into new communities.

In my first meeting with a counselor while dealing with OCD I used an LOST based analogy to describe how I felt when I needed to fulfill a compulsion. In the second season the characters felt like they needed to "push the button" in the Dharma hatch to save the world. I often felt like that when I was struggling with a compulsion.

LOST has been on for six years and I great deal of things have happened in my life since the premiere. There has been great time of celebration and deep mourning. Relationship have started and ended. Friends have come and gone. While I don't see my life through "LOST lenses" these events in my life have helped me relate to the characters on the island. This personal connection along with the entertaining and meaningful storytelling has made LOST my must see show for the last six years.

Forgive the pun, but I will not feel "lost" after the finale tonight. My guess is that I will be deeply satisfied and entertained by with the finale and I will very much enjoy the company of some other devoted Lost fans. We will laugh and maybe even cry (probably just me). Tomorrow I will talk about it with co-workers and I will think about it for the next week or so. In a few months I will purchase the final season on DVD and watch it over again. Ultimately, my life will go on because it is only a TV show.

The final destination for LOST for me will be that I will come back to it time and time again either to quote it, illustrate a point, or watch it with for the sake of enjoyment. Perhaps, in the future I will teach a class on it and it's deeper meanings. It will be held in the same regard as I hold the original Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman, and Superman. It is something that captures my imagination, entertains me, and compels me to ask big questions. This is what great storytelling does, and the world is a better place for it.

There will be one quote that I imagine that I will come back to more than others. Perhaps it is because it was said in the first season during my time of seeking community. Perhaps it is simply because it is true. But the words Jack said to the bickering survivors of Oceanic 815 are my go to LOST quote.

"If we can't live together—we're gonna die alone."